I got chris browned last night
I could make wine with my vomit
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
