yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize