Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
