The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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