After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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