I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
