you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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