Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
