Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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