I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
