Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
