dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
