wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
