I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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