her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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