Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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