this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
