No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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