just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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