Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She told me I should be a condom model.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
