i just had sex bonerless
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
