This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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