My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
