This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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