she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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