Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
