I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
