You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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