Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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