I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
