Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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