my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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