Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
