I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
