we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
