Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
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