Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize