I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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