Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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