Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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