People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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