Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
