i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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