I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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