Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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