a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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