i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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