Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Terrible idea I love it
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
