I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
