There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
