so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
