The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
