It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
