he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
