I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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