Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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