so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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