i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
