When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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