SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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