dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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