dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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