I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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