Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I AM VODKA MAN
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
