I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
