You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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