so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
