Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
