I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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