I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
my phone needs a breathalizer
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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