I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
