I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize