UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
