no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
